Posted by: Tim | March 11, 2010

A Non-Scientist’s Reaction to Richard Hoagland

I originally wrote this posting for One Astronomer’s Noise

Ok, so I am not typically the type to write a blog posting, actually I’m not the type to really read or write at all, but it’s always good to attempt something new.  Anyway, Nicole & I were watching this show on SciFi…SyFy…PsyPhi…whatever it’s calling itself now, about 2012.  This dude came on…now right away I knew he was someone I should trust.  I mean his hair, bolo tie and hat, it resembled a Sombrero-Cowboy Hat hybrid, were good indicators that this guy was worthy of my attention.  His name was Richard Hoagland.  Apparently he’s a genius (at least in his own opinion).  He was telling me about this thing called Torsion Field Physics.  Now, I’ve never heard of this before but I’m no scientist so that wouldn’t be surprising.  However, I learned that the Mayans were experts in Torsion Field Physics…Calendars and Torsion Field Physics…and sacrificing things to appease the Gods.  Well, I learned from Hoagland that the Mayans were experts in Torsion Field Physics and he knows Torsion Field Physics and they appeared to be the only ones who know anything about it…so either he’s right or he’s just making this stuff up.  I think I’ll trust him though because he had some awesome scientific type equipment.  Sure, it may only look like some little box with a broken watch on top and a USB cable running to his laptop…but he swears it’s scientific.  It’s called an Accutron after all…need I say more?  Now I’m not sure if Accutron is an Autobot or a Decepticon, so I am a little wary still, but if it can find Energon Cubes, then Torsion Field Physics should be easy…fictional things should be able to deal with other fictional things, right?

Bolo, yo.

Seriously though, or as serious as I am capable of being.  Why don’t Hoagland’s family and friends love him enough to just get him committed somewhere?  I know I am not a full blown skeptic and I don’t really care to research or look into things, but even I think this guy is a crackpot.  Martians left Mars because it was doomed and they came to Earth to hang out with the Egyptians & Mayans to teach them about Torsion Field Physics and warn them about impending disaster.  Then the Martians went and hung out in Atlantis.  Really?   That sounds as plausible as my theory that tiny green gremlins will burst from inside the Earth in 2012 and run around stabbing people in the toes with spears and with all these green gremlins leaving the center of the Earth, there will be nothing at the core anymore and the Earth will collapse in on itself.  That’s right, the core of the Earth isn’t iron or anything like that…it’s tiny Green Gremlins.

I decided my new best friend, Richard Hoagland, deserved a quick Wikipedia search.  I really do think this man would awesome to hang out with…it would be a non-stop riot and his Wikipedia page only further supports that opinion.  For instance, he believes the US Government and other major governments of the world have known 2012 was going to happen for some time and have staged an elaborate ruse to confuse us and keep that truth from us.  The Berlin Wall coming down, the two satellites that collided in space, 9/11, they were all part of this conspiracy to keep us from finding out about the impending disaster in 2012.  Personally, I think he’s giving way too much credit to politicians.  He also believes in an ancient Moon Civilization, life on Mars, the Face of Mars, the Face of Bo…oh that last one is from Doctor Who not Hoagland, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he believed Doctor Who was actually a documentary.  As I said, I am not a scientist.  I probably slept through any science classes I took, in fact, I probably slept through most classes I took, science or not.  But even for me, some of these theories are so completely absurd that they’re funny.  They make no sense and the conspiracies needed to hide some of these “facts” are so elaborate that they leap into absurd.  So I implore you, if you know Richard Hoagland or know anyone who believes everything he says, have an intervention.  Send them to The Bad Astronomer or one of the other great scientifically accurate blogs out in Cyberland (not to be confused with Cybertron).  Do something to help them learn real science.

UPDATE: On further research, by that I mean I actually looked something up, it turns out Hoagland’s Accutron looks just like a watch on a box because it IS a watch on a box.  An Accutron watch is a watch made by Bulova that uses resonating tuning forks as a means of regulating the time keeping function.  But with the name Accutron, I’m not changing my mind, it might still be a Transformer.


The writer of this blog posting accepts no liability for any pain, damages or losses suffered as a result of the misinterpretation of or actions taken based on information contained above.
This blog posting may contain sarcasm. If you are offended by sarcasm or do not know how to differentiate between sarcasm and sincerity then do not read, copy or distribute the blog posting. Instead, please navigate to a different posting.  Thank you.
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